Meaningful Relationships

Do you often just feel empty and cannot explain it?

Do you feel you are alone even when you are surrounded by many?

Do you feel you are a friend to many and yet have no real friends? 

Do you feel it's hard to enjoy friendships/relationships?

Do you feel your social media family is happier and more fulfilled than you or adversely do you feel that your social media family are liars and faking happiness? (There will be a blog on this at a later date)

MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Meaningful relationships are those that are deemed significant and include mutual respect, trust, interest, positive regard, and making the other person feel valued. 

It is so hard for adults to find meaningful relationships. We all want to be heard, supported, and loved.

It is easy to fall into the trap of being the person who supports everyone and never receives support when you are naturally a person who gives. 

It is also easy to become a person who overuses a giver when you feel you are overwhelmed and just need someone to listen. Sometimes you are tired of existing for everyone else and just want to exist for you. 

Building meaningful relationships means you can be both types but you must do both intentionally. 

Meaningful relationships require you to be as much a giver as you are a receiver. It's ok to share your life but you have to be able to listen to others share. It becomes hard when you try to build too many meaningful relationships (some can do it well though).

Lots of people feel they don't need to change but I need you to look deeply within yourself and decide if something is missing.

• Do you feel you are a friend to many and yet have no real friends? 
• Do you feel it's hard to enjoy friendships/relationships?
• Do you feel you are alone even when you are surrounded by many?
• Do you feel your social media family is happier and more fulfilled than you or adversely do you feel that your social media family are liars and faking happiness? (There will be a blog on this at a later date)
• Do you often just feel empty and cannot explain it?

If you answered yes to any of these then you should do a self evaluation. I am not saying it's you but when you want to seek changes in others you have to also seek changes in yourself and sometimes that means that you may need to make changes in your circle. It could be that your current circle is not for you and you need to build a new circle that is meaningful, which could happen as we get older and need new things. It could also be that you need to communicate with your current circle that you are changing and have new needs and their willingness to change will determine the future of your relationship. (There will be a blog on this at a later date)  

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE DYNAMICS OF YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP TRY THESE THINGS:

1. Active Listening: Do not listen to respond, listen to understand. The key to active listening is to close off the world and pay attention to that person. No telephones, no comments, no rebuts, just listen, and when it's your time to speak expect the same active listening. Now if it's a back-and-forth conversation then there may be comments but that requires you to have emotional intelligence and consideration for each conversation and knowing your friendships dynamic.Check this out: https://www.wholelifechallenge.com/how-to-build-meaningful-relationships/       There is  also humor in active listening, check this out: BIG BANG THEORY on active listening & Listening Olympics 

   I have some friends that finishing each other's sentence is a sign of a strong relationship and love, whereas with others it's disrespectful and annoying. KNOW YOUR PEOPLE. To know your people, simply ask!

2. Be Present: Multitasking is not possible when you want to be entirely present! Even when you think you are actively listening and able to understand what is being said the other person may feel that you are not focused on them. The importance of your time together is diminished when telephone alerts, social media alerts, or you watching others seem to take over the attention you desire, even if it's just for a second. Learning to be present takes time when you are so accustomed to looking at your phone or sharing social media posts. The next time you are with a friend or family, consciously be present: check messages later, look at posts later, and tune into the person in front of you.  Check this Out:  @MintMillions THE PHONE

   I find that telling the person I am with what I desire and need is the best way to find like minded people. Either they will fall inline and love the idea by also helping you Be Present or they will hear you and continue as they are with multiple excuses. 

   Be prepared to be called out when you slip up. If the person calling you out is doing so because they want you present, then accept this and work on your shortcomings. We cannot expect what we do not grant to others. If they are calling you out to validate their behaviors, they are not like-minded and maybe you need to reconsider this relationship. 

"Sometimes accepting that your growth will not align with others' growth is how you build a meaningful relationship with yourself and then you can build more with others!" 

In order to find your Joy Spot you have to know yourself! Once you know "you", then let's build.

SUGGESTIONS FOR BUILDING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS:

🔍Introspection:

Loving yourself and accepting that you can change, but only change your negative attributes. We all have negative attributes and we often overlook them as we are judging others. Do not change your positive attributes just because you feel others are not worthy, find those that are worthy of your good works and those that also have good works. Continue to follow and share this blog to help yourself and others. Remember that no one is perfect and although we all desire to have perfect friends and relationships, we are not perfect so we cannot expect perfection but we can expect compromise. 

 

🔍Self Affirmations:

Self-affirmation is the act of affirming one's own worthiness and value as an individual for beneficial effect (such as increasing one's confidence or raising self-esteem). Until you have a meaningful relationship with yourself you are unable to build with others. Knowing your worth will not allow others to take advantage of the goodness in you and will not allow others to grow the negatives in you with your resentment and frustrations. (There will be a blog on this at a later date)

Your positive affirmation can be a statement, a word each day, or many words; It can also be a goal for the day

Your phone home screen can be programmed with positive affirmations.

Write affirmations in your journal, calendar, or in various areas of your home

Put a nice board above the door you exit most frequently at home or work and add affirmations as needed

Download a positive affirmation app.(Transparency: I have never visited or used app https://www.uniquedailyaffirmations.com/(There will be a blog on this at a later date with ones I have tried with reviews)

Wake up and write positive statements on the mirror with a dry-erase marker

Wake up and write positive statements on a sticky note (Lei-Tip: You can store them in a photo book and re-use when you need that message again)

🔍Like-Mindedness:

Find people that feel like you. You are not alone. Many others lack real relationships. As much as you hate being alone or feeling alone you still make no effort to change. This behavior will result in a continuous state of loneliness and non-meaningful relationships. 

1. Try to make your current relationships better by talking it out and compromising
2. Join church groups
3. Join a social club
4. Meet up with some old-school friends
5.  As much as social media has its faults it also has its benefits. Use social media to help you and not hurt you via self-esteem bashing. Some people on social media are truly happy and simply want to share. Use those suggestions and ideas to help you and your growth with your relationships. I just want you to use social media as a guide and NEVER care if the information is true or false in terms of a person's joy because your Joy Spot is not defined by theirs. 
6. There are groups to find friends and people to hang with. They have more than dating apps, they also have friend apps. (Transparency: I have never visited or used site but I have been given good reviews on it by others!)  Check out https://bumble.com/en-us/bff 

Find your kinda people

with Bumble For Friend 

 

Tell me how you build meaningful relationships as adults?

Continue to share and follow. If you have topics you would like to discuss email me or leave a comment.   acurrythoughts@gmail.com