Being Transparent

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you need support. It means the world to have solid supportive relationships.

I love my friends and recognize that each friend has a different role in my life. I try my best to be supportive and understanding. I fall short and get tired but when I am with you, I am with you, and I will communicate with you until WE decide it is over.  

 

NEEDING SUPPORT

My level of support is not always reciprocated but that does not stop my actions. My level of support is not always at its best and I pray that it does not stop their support for me. 

When you show support, you are continuously showing others how you want to be treated. Eventually, they will get it, but sometimes they will not, there will always be exceptions to the rule. 

You may love some people so much that their inability to change is tolerable. Just make sure that you do not get lost. Give yourself time to regenerate when you feel weak and seek support from elsewhere. A perfect relationship/friendship is circular in nature.

This means it is always about US even when sometimes it seems it is about you and what you need. Sometimes it is about me and what I need but it is still about US. The next round I may have a greater need but we will still assess each other's needs and bring it back to US and so forth and so on.

This process should be the same in romantic relationships.

Friendships are like romantic relationships; they require work and compromises. As your relationship/friendship grows you should grow as well.  There are some relationships/friendships that are to be cherished and you work on growing them. There are some relationships/friendships that have come to the end of their season. 

As you are reading this there are relationships/friendships that come to your mind and those people’s role in your life should be evaluated. Never be afraid to let go of something that is causing you more pain than joy. The Joy Spot can only be achieved when we are honest with ourselves and sometimes that requires some pain.  

WHAT IS SUPPORT

Support looks different to everyone because of who we are. Every person was raised differently, and life has raised us even more differently. Who we were as a child or young adult may be the furthest thing from who you are now. Some of us have become hardened by the treatments of others and unyielding in relationships or broken with baggage which results in lacking the ability to be supportive. Some of us have become more accepting and desiring of meaningful relationships and willing to be supportive and help others sort through the baggage until the load is too heavy to bear especially if you are carrying your load alone; at that point you should deal with the pain of walking away.   

At this point in my life, I plan to work on the relationships/friendships that I have but I am not against new relationships because that is where you gain support, hence the topic of “Support”.   The bible verse says it perfectly: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT Bible.com

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.https://www.bible.com › bible › ECC.4.9-10.NLT

 

“You can go through life thinking you need no one but there comes a time in everyone’s life when they can’t pick themselves up.”

According to the Collins COBUILD Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, “If you are supportive, you are kind and helpful to someone at a difficult or unhappy time in their life.”

You cannot expect support and not be supportive. You cannot expect support and not communicate your needs.

You must accept people where they are and know when to communicate your needs. You may be at a point in your life where you are saying “NO NEW FRIENDS”, and that may work for you but make sure you work on the relationships/friendships you have and always stay Healthy, Happy, and Whole.  I know this seems to be more about friendships but remember relationships and friendships go hand in hand. (There will be a couples relationship blog later)

HOW TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS

Unfortunately, we do not have superpowers and are able to read each other’s minds, and if we could I fear we would still misunderstand the thought processes of others. Check this out:https://www.vassar.edu/stories/2017/170222-andrew-willett.html

With that being said, it is best that you simply state your needs and make them clear.

We can easily be upset with a friend that we feel isn’t supportive, but they may feel they are very supportive.

They offered you a listening ear, yet you needed a shoulder to cry on and you felt your needs were not met. They offered themselves in what they thought was an effective fashion because you neglected to share your actual needs.

They offered words of encouragement via text, but you needed someone to be your cheerleader at an event and you felt your needs were not met. Maybe you should have asked them to be present. They offered themselves in what they thought was an effective fashion because you neglected to share your actual needs.

This way of thinking should be indoctrinated into all your relationships. Do not expect people to be where you want them to be when you never expressed the need.

I can recall a time when I had a large event and no help. I was very upset at others for not offering to help because that is what I would have done, offered to help them. When the event was completed, I was left tired and angry. When I made mention to those that I felt should have been by my side, I was told that I never asked for help. Regardless of how I felt then I now can tell you that I ask for help when I need it! The lesson I learned was that the ability to handle ‘it all’ is sometimes an illusion that later causes us to have to be stressed and for some, this is the very cause of depression and anxiety. The lack of support can make us feel we are alone and the reality sometimes is that we isolated ourselves when we put up the façade of being able to handle it all. Pride and arrogance can block support whereas being honest and humble will welcome support.

 

For me, I only confide in a few and would have it no other way.  I rely heavily on my faith, but all do not have the same faith, my suggestion is that you better get you some of my faith because that support will never let you down. For those who rely on secular means, which is your friends and family, my suggestion is to speak up.  

• Do not allow your pride to make you miserable and lonely
• Do not allow fear of rejection to keep you quiet
• Do not allow rejection to hold you back
• Do not allow failed attempts at communication to end your future attempts (look back at the Meaningful Relationships blog,  "Sometimes accepting that your growth will not align with others' growth is how you build a meaningful relationship with yourself and then you can build more with others!")
• Do not negate the fact that you are stronger than you realize and sometimes believing in yourself is all the support you need

In what ways do you show yourself vulnerable?

How do you request support?

Do you need life coaching? Check this out:R.U.S.H.-Life Coaching

Share your thoughts with me on this topic and email me other topics you would like me to explore. acurrythoughts@gmail.com