Self Healing

          

                                

       

Saying We Are Healed and BEING Healed Are Two Different Things

This article will offer 4 steps to help you forgive yourself which will help you heal from: 

Failed Relationships-Lies-Cheating-Family Dysfunction-Failed Friendships-Failed Marriages-Personal Failure 😞 

Healing comes at a cost and that cost is forgiveness. FORGIVENESS  =  HEALING

The road to healing is paved with memories, and those memories can either be the roadblocks to your progress or the speed bumps you slow down for, glance at in the rearview, and keep driving past.

We all have memories that cling to us. Some are easier to release, and some feel stitched into our hearts. We try to suppress them, bury them, outrun them, but the truth is they’re part of our growth. They’re part of our becoming.

We have to shift into a mindset where a memory doesn’t get permission to trigger our anger or pain anymore. Instead, it becomes a reminder of something we once experienced, not something that still controls us.

It’s hard to forgive yourself for decisions you made. And it’s just as hard to forgive those who hurt you, disappointed you, or continue to fall short. Healing doesn’t mean the hurt disappears. Healing means the hurt stops running your life.

“We are not healed when we can still be triggered.”

We’re simply adjusting. Learning. Managing. Sometimes we’re just reacting. And if we’re honest, sometimes we’re overreacting because the wound still has an open door.

A trigger is simply a stimulus that elicits a reaction. When it comes to mental and emotional health, a “trigger” is something that brings up or worsens symptoms, especially for people who have experienced trauma or are recovering from mental illness, self harm, addiction, or eating disorders.

Check this out: Understanding Triggers

Some triggers hit you so hard that you feel like you have to react just to prove to yourself you’re healed. But the truth is, that reaction usually shows there’s still a long road ahead. Anytime a person, moment, or memory can hijack your emotions, it’s a sign that something deeper needs your attention.

And hear me on this: being easily triggered doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Sometimes your nervous system kicks into fight or flight and you respond before you can think. That’s human. And if you genuinely have no intention of changing how you feel about a situation, then that reaction is your boundary speaking. There’s no shame in that.

Check this out: Responding To Stress Triggers

But this message is for the ones who do want to heal.

The ones stuck between Healing and Hearing; Hating and Hurting.

The ones who want to move forward but feel tied to what happened.

Here’s a real example:

• Maybe your parents weren’t who you needed them to be. Maybe they let someone else raise you, and now that you’re grown, they want to rebuild something. But every time they reach out, you throw their failures back at them.

If your desire is true healing, you have to be willing to have one honest, heart to heart conversation. Share your truth. Speak your pain. Let them hear the parts of you that never had a voice.

But after you speak, you cannot stay stuck in the pain. If you stay in the past, you will live there. Opening your heart and mind without falling back into what could have been is how you create space for your future. It stops the past from hijacking what’s ahead.

And if that shift feels impossible, if the wound is too deep, then maybe rebuilding the relationship will only create more hurt. Choosing peace is not failure. It’s maturity. It’s wisdom.

When we’re triggered, the pain comes flooding in and slows our healing. It makes us question our progress and doubt our strength. But spiritually, there’s another layer to this.

We pray and ask God to help us not get angry when someone says something hurtful. We ask Him for strength to handle certain situations with grace. But when that same situation shows up again, we act shocked. “God, why am I dealing with this again?”

Sometimes it isn’t punishment. It’s preparation.
It’s not an attack. It’s a test.
It’s not a setback. It’s training.

Instead of reacting with “Why now?”, try responding with, “Thank you, Lord, for giving me strength to face this again. Help me handle it differently this time.”

Because every battle you face is proof that you’re strong enough to win another one. You are not fighting to see if you’re strong. You’re fighting to reveal the strength already in you.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me.”

(Psalm 28:7)

Now, here’s a simple four step process to help you evaluate what’s going on inside you when you’re triggered:

1. Pause and acknowledge the trigger.

Before reacting, take a breath and name what you’re feeling.

Awareness brings clarity.

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)

2. Ask yourself why this hit so hard?

What wound did this poke?

Is it old pain? Fear? Expectations?

Understanding the root stops emotional spiraling.

3. Decide what you truly want.

Do you want peace? Understanding? Distance?

Let your goal guide your response, not the rush of emotion.

“Seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:14)

4. Choose the response that aligns with your healing.

If you’re trying to heal, respond like someone who is healing.

Sometimes that means speaking calmly.

Sometimes it means stepping back.

Sometimes it means letting it go.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

The four steps aren’t just about managing reactions or dealing with other people. They’re about helping you understand your own heart, your own wounds, and your own patterns. And that’s exactly where self-forgiveness starts.

Self-forgiveness is really about learning to:

• pause before judging yourself

• understand why you did what you did

• decide what you want to become

• respond in a way that supports your growth

Reflection

Take a moment to think about the memories that still trigger you. Not from a place of shame, but from honesty. What moments still grab your emotions before you have time to think? 

What pain do you still rehearse in your 💔 heart?

Healing isn’t about pretending those moments never happened. It’s about deciding they don’t get to run you anymore. 

Ask yourself: Am I responding from my wound, or from who I’m becoming? Let your future version of you answer that question, not the version still stuck in yesterday.

Action Step 1: Identify one trigger and rewrite its meaning

Choose one memory or situation that keeps setting you off. Write down why it hits so hard, then rewrite what that moment means to you now. Shifting the meaning weakens its power. 

This doesn’t erase the pain, but it reframes it so it no longer dictates your reactions.

Action Step 2: Practice your “pause” in real time

This week, whenever something or someone triggers you, commit to a three second pause.

Breathe.

Identify what you feel.

Remind yourself of what you want long term.

That tiny pause is the doorway to responding differently. It’s how you take your power back, one moment at a time.

Do you need life coaching? Check this out:R.U.S.H.-Life Coaching

Share your thoughts with me on this topic and email me other topics you would like me to explore. acurrythoughts@gmail.com